Pam Leads The Charge
by Red Witch
Summary: Pam strikes a blow against fat shaming.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters has taken off to go protest. I heard about this and I got angry. Even though I don't shop at this certain store. And I admittedly am not it's demographic. Still got me mad. **

**I don't advocate violence. There are other ways to make a point. **

**Then I realized I could put my anger to good use. Or better yet, get Pam to do it. **

**Pam Leads The Charge **

"Where's Pam?" Cyril walked into the bullpen. He saw Lana, Ray and Krieger watching TV. "What are you **doing**?"

"Watching Pam on TV," Ray said casually.

"Oh, this never ends well," Cyril moaned.

_On screen was Pam with a megaphone in front of a large crowd of women. "Attention Fashion Fascists! We're mad and we're not gonna take it anymore!" _

_A horde of angry women screamed in front of a building. "Two, Four, Six, Eight…Who the hell are you bastards to complain about our weight?" _

"_What do we want?" Pam shouted. "Besides cake obviously!" _

"_SIZE EQUALITY!" _

"_When do we want it?" Pam yelled._

"_NOW!" _

"_AND WE WANT SOME DAMN CAKE WHILE WE'RE AT IT! CHARGE!" Pam cried_ _out and the horde of women stormed the building. _

"Why is Pam leading a riot at the Permanently 18 store headquarters?" Cyril blinked.

"This is in response to an episode of fat shaming from the company," Lana said.

"Even more than most of the other fashion stores?" Cyril asked.

"Oh yeah," Ray nodded. "Apparently some **genius **in marketing thought it would be great that they ship a sample of Atkins power bars in with every extra-large size and up. Without solicitation I might add."

"Yikes," Krieger winced. "That's bad."

"To be fair," Lana said. "There have been reports of the power bars showing up in several other sizes, including extra small. But not as many as the extra-large and up."

_Cheryl was on screen. "FIGHT THE POWER! FIGHT THE POWER!" Cheryl screamed as she waved a baseball bat. "DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY AND ALL THAT OTHER __**BLEEP!**__ FIGHT THE POWER!" _

"Why is **Cheryl **protesting?" Lana asked. "That I don't get."

"Well you know how much she loves violence," Ray remarked. "And fires."

"Oh right," Lana said. "But there's no fire."

"Not yet," Ray said. "What are they doing **now**?"

"Looks like they're chasing people from the marketing department," Krieger remarked.

"_AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Several people in power suits were being chased by Pam and a horde of women. _

"And a few people from management," Krieger added.

"_This is what you get for making cheap __**BLEEEP!"**__ Cheryl whooped as she took out a lighter to a pile of cheap looking clothes. _

_FOOOOOOOOOM! _

"Oh, **there's** the fire," Lana remarked.

"Why aren't the police doing anything?" Cyril asked.

"You mean those police officers **over there**?" Ray pointed to the screen. "The ones eating donuts?"

"Judging by their waistlines I'm pretty sure their sympathies are with the protestors," Krieger remarked. "I guess they're letting justice play itself out."

"_Size equality now! Size equality now!" The crowd chanted. _

"If Permanently 18 keeps this up," Ray remarked. "It may end up **permanently** **closed!"**

"Would that really be so horrible?" Lana asked. "I'm seriously asking."

"Eh," Krieger shrugged. "We don't shop there. What do we care?"

"Honestly for me it wouldn't be a big loss," Lana admitted. "I mean, it's not like it's a major department store. Or Larry's. Or The Man."

"_Larry's?"_ Krieger blinked. _"The Man?" _

"Larry Talbot," Ray told him. "Chico and the Man."

"Oh, I get it now…" Krieger nodded. "Aren't those stores known as Forever 41?"

"Hey, they have some good things," Lana said. "And their outlet stores have quality items at good deals. Just the other day I got some sweater dresses for only ten dollars each."

"I always wondered where you got those things," Cyril admitted.

"You realize that you are now in the demographic for those stores?" Ray asked. "I mean you're not exactly 21 anymore and you're a mom."

"Damn," Lana blinked. "You're right. That's…"

"Frightening?" Ray asked.

"Well neither are **you!"** Cyril snapped.

"Dukes," Ray winced.

"Or Krieger!" Cyril pointed. "Unless that clone theory is correct."

"Even if I was a clone," Krieger pointed out. "Which I'm not by the way…"

"Your words," Ray said.

"I'm still an **adult!**" Krieger snapped. "That reminds me, has anybody seen my comic book collection?"

"Let's face it," Cyril said. "None of us are spring chickens anymore."

"We're not exactly old turkeys either!" Ray snapped.

"No, you're just turkeys period," Lana quipped. "Zing!"

"You've been waiting to use **that one**, haven't you?" Ray groaned.

"I have," Lana nodded.

"_AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" The managers and marketers ran for their lives from Pam and the other women. Cheryl danced around manically around the bonfire with some other women. _

"Part of me doesn't even **care** about this," Lana sighed. "I don't shop there. If you don't like the store or if they tick you off, don't shop there. It's that simple."

"That's probably going to happen in the future," Ray said. "Again, **permanently closed."**

_FOOOOOOOOOOOOM!_

"Of course, that fire isn't helping," Ray said. "Now that I think about it, this literal fire is totally unnecessary. With the retail market the way it is, half the stores we know will burn themselves out."

"I'm going to have the use the company checkbook for bail money again, aren't I?" Cyril sighed.

"And a possible settlement out of court," Ray added.

"Why the hell do we want a **store's** approval anyway?" Lana asked. "A store which thinks if you're over thirty you're too old?"

"Being an adult isn't the worst thing in the world," Cyril pointed out.

"Said the man who's been an adult since he was a teenager," Krieger quipped.

"Maybe we're not _hip_ or _with it_ or whatever term they're using for cool people nowadays," Cyril pointed out. "But we have our own sense of style and taste. And if these stores don't want our money, screw 'em. There are plenty of other stores that cater to us. Or more accurately more stores online but still…"

"You know in The Man stores I'm a size one and a half?" Lana remarked. "Pam would probably be a two. Two point five. Maybe a three?"

"Are you _kidding?"_ Cyril asked. "The last time Pam was a two was when she **was **two!"

"They have a different sizing method than most stores," Lana said. "I mean their stores are still in trouble and are closing. But their online sales are doing better."

"The retail market is seriously tanking right now," Krieger said. "Unless you work at Nile. Or Bay-E."

"I don't know," Ray said. "Stores like Bullseye, Ultimate Beauty and plus size stores like Scorching are doing pretty well."

"That's because they're **listening** to their customers," Lana pointed out.

_By now the group had cornered most of their targets up a tree. Pam shouted using the megaphone. "YOU __**BLEEEEPING BLEEEP**__ ARE GONNA HEAR US EVEN IF WE HAVE TO __**BLEEEP**__ DOWN YOUR __**BLEEEEEP-ING**__ THROATS!" _

"Who are these people Pam and Cheryl are with anyway?" Cyril asked.

"Oh, a lot of them are friends Pam made on Space Book," Ray explained. "She joined a few online groups."

"Which ones?" Lana asked.

Ray told her. "An anti-fat shaming group. The Big Women Are Beautiful group. A competitive eater's group. Fans of the TV cooking shows Shoe Clad Count and Cupcake Supervisor. A group dedicated to barbecue and Polynesian Pit cooking. International Bacon Aficionados."

"I am I correct to assume that a lot of these people are in the **same groups?"** Krieger asked.

"There is some overlap, yes," Ray nodded. "I admit that Cupcake Supervisor has me hooked. It's family friendly too so AJ can watch it."

"Really?" Lana asked. "I have to check that out."

"Again, if stores think they are too good for us," Cyril pointed out. "Screw 'em. We'll go to stores that **appreciate **us. And watch those other stores crash into oblivion."

"That is the fun part of the retail apocalypse isn't it?" Ray asked. "Well that and the sales."

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" A CEO of the company was being carried away by the group. _

"_TAKE HIM TO BULLSEYE!" Pam shouted. "PUT SOME OF __**THEIR CLOTHES**__ ON HIM!"_

"_NO! HAVE MERCY! PLEASE!" The CEO screamed. "I CAN'T WEAR CLOTHES COMMON PEOPLE WEAR! MERCY!" _

"And the occasional riots," Ray added.


End file.
